Not Typically Me

13 Feb

I have fallen into a bit of a dark spot. I’m not sure why, I’ve faced harder times and by no means do I think my life is difficult. I am just losing confidence in myself.

89447271527ce1e0a3d2263d07eb2a4bIt’s funny how things happen, not one at a time, but all at once. “when it rains, it pours” they say. CrossFit has done wonders for me…it gives me a sense of accomplishment, it makes me feel good about myself, I feel like a belong and being a part of it fills a void that I’ve had since I moved to NY (But I miss having close friends to talk to). I have an amazing loving boyfriend that has made my life a million times better (but I miss having my family around). I still struggle to be happy with myself. I truly don’t know if I will ever feel like I am “enough”….

good enough

strong enough

smart enough

skinny enough

successful enough

successI work in a job that is just that…a job. I don’t save lives, I don’t make any sort of impact on society, seriously, I am at work right now writing this…how many of you can blog while your at work?

This isn’t good enough for me.

The beginning of this month, I let me credentials expire and the education I spent a ton of money on and 4 years of my life on means a little less. I can no longer be what I once wanted to be.

As if that doesn’t hurt my ego enough, I’ve been lifting heavier eating more and gaining weight. Nothing major, but I’m a girl and society has driven it into my head that I’m supposed to be Jessica Biel (my body idol) and I’m just Karli. My sweaters rip around my shoulders, my pants all pull around my butt….sure I can squat over 200lbs now but I can’t do a muscle up…or pullups! but no one outside of the fitness world cares.

09591e937edebca821a3335b0e787b02This weekend I have a competition and one WOD is a partner Fran + rowing thing. I have to do 45 pull-ups and not make a fool out of myself or let me partner down.

Hopefully it’s just the dark skies and cold weather and homesickness getting to me….


6 Responses to “Not Typically Me”

  1. Melissa Love February 13, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

    Karli — you may just be Karli but to me you’re my Jessica Biel. You’re a fabulous person and I totally understand this. I’m lucky to have a job I love, but I understand being far away from family and friends. I miss my TN friends SO much – it’s hard to not have people around you can go and talk to and be girly or just you with. I am lucky I have a cousin here who I am close with so kind of have his friends built in. But they aren’t the same. CrossFit has given me SO much including some kick ass people to chat with and folks who are becoming friends – and you are good enough. and smart enough. and kick ass enough. ๐Ÿ™‚ Heart ya chica!

    • Karli February 13, 2013 at 5:48 pm #

      You’re fantastic Melissa! Seriously, meeting you through twitter and blogs has been great ๐Ÿ™‚ Wow, you’re really all over the place being from TN, living in NJ, with a BF in Cali? is that all haha? โค

      • Melissa Love February 13, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

        haha Military brat in me keeps me moving ๐Ÿ™‚ And I agree — meeting you has been the best!! And I’m always just a tweet or text away!

  2. grizzlystrong February 13, 2013 at 4:24 pm #

    Karli, I can’t stress enough how similar a position we’re in, if you ever need a sympathetic ear. Keep writing, keep lifting, have fun – at the end of the day it’s all just exercise ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Karli February 13, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

      I really appreciate it, and same for you! I’m a better listener than talker and usually find it easier to organize my thoughts into blog form ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  3. ~jenniferlynn February 14, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

    Aww, girl, this too shall pass!! Stay strong. You are an amazing inspiration to so many girls, and I have envy of your shoulders and butt ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol
    I agree with grizzly – Keep writing, keep lifting, have fun. Do what is right for You!

    And on the education front.. I did my undergrad and MBA (9 years of schooling) for a degree that I have no desire to have anymore, with a nice huge chunk of student loan debt that will never be paid off. Ugh. Such is life. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Perseverance is the key to success...


food, fitness, and my (somewhat) healthy & entertaining life

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Crossfit, Paleo, Music and Beards

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